my first real post- 11/26/19

so, i was at the intermountain hospital today picking up a prescription. as you probably know, utah is a very densely population area of mormons. there was an old white lady with what i presume was her adopted daughter (the girl was black and looked to be my age). i don't feel like typing out grammatical shit right now so ill just give you a run down of what i saw happen. the daughter asked why her mom took her phone and she replied because i don't trust you. she asked why, and her mom said because you were friends with people who aren't mormon on social media, and you know thats against the rules. the daughter countered by saying she's allowed to be friends with other people that aren't mormon like her real mother. the woman replied by saying, "thats because legally i have to let you talk to her." her daughter replied by saying, "why can't you just validate my feelings?" and her mom said, "because i don't have to." i swear i almost punched this woman in the face. her daughter was on the verge of crying and the entire time she maintained a stone cold look on her face and didn't move a muscle. her daughter went to the bathroom, and a few minutes later i had to go too, but both of them were full so i waited. she came out and she just looked so sad and looked at me and was still crying and i just said im sorry and she nodded and my heart just broke into a million pieces. I've ranted about this (and even cried a little too) for the past hour. my grandma just said why don't you stop thinking about it so you won't be angry anymore? the thing is, i can't. I've been in her position before. when i was 13, i wrote: As you may know, I’m (anonymous). I’m 13. I currently go to a Christian private school. Today was See You At the Pole, a day of prayer in schools around the world. When we did the pledge, we all turned to the flag. The rest put their hand on their heart, and said the pledge. I didn’t… I haven’t for years. My classmates were mad, saying things such as, “Are you a secret spy from North Korea?” “You’re an Islamic terrorist!” “Why don’t you respect our country?!” etc. I’m SO sorry that I don’t worship a flag that has come to represent, racism, white privilege, white supremacists, white saviors, etc. I’m sorry I’m not a racist ‘southern belle’ that is seen, not heard. I’m pretty tired of all the misogynistic, racist, Trump supporting people over here. I’m criticized every day for my beliefs. They want to be able to shout about freedom of speech and opinion, but as soon as it’s about something they don’t want to hear, they completely change. I’m 13 and more aware of society’s problems. I’m 13 and have to deal with shit like this? Pardon my language, but I’m angry. So, next time, would you like me to kneel? Would you like me to start debates in class? Would you like me to shout my opinion in your face every day? That’s what they do to me. I am silent with my protests. I don’t feel threatened enough to try so hard. It’s not needed. I don’t need to yell my opinion in your face every single day. I know what’s right. I know i can’t magically change them. I don’t feel like I need to try so hard to THEM. They get pissed even more when I do it silently. When I do it silently, they know what my opinion is, they know I’m not threatened like them. I shouldn’t feel threatened and SCARED about my opinion being lost, because, tbh, my opinion is ‘RIGHTER’ than theirs. Yes, ik, everyone thinks their opinion is the RIGHT opinion. But right and wrong is relative. To quote Isaac Asimov, “The basic trouble, you see, is that people think that “right” and “wrong” are absolute; that everything that isn’t perfect is totally and equally wrong. ….How do you spell “sugar?” Answer. s-u-g-a-r. That is right. Anything else is wrong. How much is 2+2? The answer is 4. That is right. Anything else is wrong. Having exact answers, and having absolute rights and wrongs, minimizes the necessity of thinking, and that pleases both students and teachers. For that reason, students and teachers alike prefer short-answer tests to essay tests; multiple-choice over blank short-answer tests; and true-false tests over multiple choice.  But short-answer tests are, to my way of thinking, useless as a measure of the student’s understanding of a subject. They are merely a test of the efficiency of his ability to memorize. You can see what I mean as soon as you admit right and wrong are relative. How do you spell “sugar?” Suppose Alice spells it p-q-z-z-f and Genevieve spells it s-h-u-g-e-r. Both are wrong, but is there any doubt that Alice is ‘wronger’ than Genevieve? For that matter, I think it is possible to argue that Genevieve’s spelling is superior to the “right” one. Or suppose you spell “sugar”: s-u-c-r-o-s-e, or C12H22O11. Strictly speaking, you are wrong each time, but you’re displaying a certain knowledge of the subject beyond conventional spelling. Right and wrong are relative. But as the human I am, I believe my opinion is ‘righter’ than theirs. They say I do not have compassion for those who fought and died for my freedom. To a certain extent, I suppose that I do. At the same time, I realize, because we are human, you could say that we are slaves to our brains, the chemicals that produce are moods, our thoughts, that thing called human compassion. But who’s to say thats right? You could use this as an argument for both sides. That, “why does anything matter”? I can view it as both a blessing and a curse, as many things are. Because part of me strives to do the right things, while the other part of me does not care considering we’re just a pile of atoms floating around in space, being slaves to our brains, so do we actually control anything, if so why does it matter? But it does matter (considering how you are feeling about the subject at the time). I hope you can see past my incessant rambling to understand what I’m getting at." that wasn't even near the worst of it, but i understand people wanting to force you to be someone you're not- especially in the realm of religion. the thing is, I've gotten to the point where 1) i don't give a fuck what you think i should be, but 2) no one important in my life is trying to force me to fit under a certain label (notice the shade i threw when i said important. i would like to note the fact that if you attempt to force me under a certain label, i will label YOU as unimportant...) but this girl, she has MANY people trying to force her to do things. even more than i have dealt with. i understand the plight of forced beliefs, womanhood, and just being a teenager, but she has an added factor that can make her life exponentially harder anywhere, but especially in a place like utah. being a black, non-mormon woman in utah is possibly the most of a minority you can be. i get to go home and live my life with few restrictions and judgements. she has to deal with an insane amount of restrictions and judgements all the time i imagine, and there is no safe house.